Monday, 26 November 2012

A not-so gentle-or-quiet spirit

4You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.
                                                                                                         - 1 Peter 3:4(NLT)

I don't know how to be quiet. I don't understand you people have the gentle and quiet spirit that the Bible urges us to have. And by us, I mean women. This morning, I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock (Thank Jesus!) but I wasn't awake longer than 10 minutes. The second time I woke up. I just opened my eyes and tried to listen. But I couldn't just bring my mind to be still and quiet no matter what I did. When I started to get frustrated, I just grabbed my phone/music player/my close buddy and listened to Kari Jobe's "I Need You" and instead of it to draw me in and help me concentrate on God, I ended up thinking "Hmmn, I wonder what Kari was going through when she wrote this." I let out a frustrated sigh and went upstairs for my family devotion. The silence thing is not working for me. As a matter of fact, I don't think "Ibukun" and "gentle, quiet" have ever been used in the same sentence before. Not even in jokes or lies! I mean, sometimes I think God pumped me full with steroids before He dropped me in my mother's womb. There's no better explanation I can come up with and it bothers me. It bothers me a lot. I just want to be able to sit still and enjoy silence and not have my mind running around like a rabid dog in so many directions. It wears me out. It frustrates me. There has to be a gentle and quiet spirit in me underneath all that clutter. I hate how silence frightens me. When the house gets to quiet, I plug my ears and listen to loud music. When I'm writing, I listen to music(except for rare occasions). I don't know how to be still or quiet (in mind and body!)
I'm not even going to pretend like I have answers because right now, God knows I don't. I need another "ah ha!" moment. Times like this, I wish the title of this book read "Reduce me to quietness".
Once again, my mind wanders, and all I can think of is cake.

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