Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Another Journal Entry

Say hello, Couch
For the most part of today, I did absolutely nothing except tweet and drink water. When I worked up momentum to get off my bed, I bounced up the stairs and made straight for the television. I watched an episode of Joyce Meyer's "Enjoying Everyday Life" and was about to watch Joni interview Kari Jobe's mother when the power went out (bummer!) so I trudged back downstairs and made me breakfast/lunch (normal people call this brunch but I like to spell it out so you feel the gravity of my eating disorderliness) then I finally finished reading "Reduce Me To Love" and I felt really good about it. Joyce Meyer just has this candid way of teaching that I absolutely admire. After that book, I just sat down on the couch and thought about how much I have been waiting for my step mom to love me, waiting for her to make the first move. But after reading Ms Meyer's book, I understand that I don;t have to wait around anymore for my step mom or anyone else in fact to make any move. I made the move today by getting my lazy bum into the kitchen to help her with the cooking. I haven't done that since we had an argument (weeeekkkkkks ago!) though I apologised, I just didn't want to get back in the kitchen with her. I didn't feel like it and I was waiting till I felt like helping her, till I felt like loving her. I still don't feel any of those things but I helped her anyway and I'm going to love her anyway no matter what I feel. My feelings will no longer define me, they will no longer control me.
This is so profound for me because sometimes, I feel like God doesn't love me or that I don't have that walking-on-sunshine feeling I used to have with God and I began to question God. I began to wonder why I wasn't feeling like I'm in 7th heaven when I come into God's Presence to talk with Him. My feelings left me frustrated and restless and I think that just explains my last post and the confusion employed to write it.
I don't have to live by what I feel anymore, I don't have to wait till I feel like talking to God, I don't have to wait till I feel like giving my time, energy, love, money. I don't have to cave in to my emotions. I don't owe my emotions anything. No, I'm not saying that my emotions always get in the way of my spiritual progress (or any progress in fact) but I'm saying they do, most times.
*sips water*
I have been thinking healthy thoughts since I finished that book and my feelings are getting in line. I'm glad.

2 comments:

  1. ai dear, just found your blog some days ago. I can say I have read tons of your post and each one resonates with me. you actually mirror certain things about my life. just a regular girl, who wants to have fun, enjoy life and still have a love relationship with God and live out his purpose for my life. permit me to say I love you from a distance. keep being u cos u bless me with every post. God bless...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Can't say it enough how your comment lifted my spirits today. Thank you for your encouragement and kind words. Have an amazing day! And I love you too!

    ReplyDelete