Saturday, 20 April 2013

An Invitation

Pastor Carlton said that feelings are temporary and don't always tell the truth about the situation and I nodded my head in agreement because I knew that it was true. I knew that the moments I felt unloved the most were the moments I was loved the most. Praying this week has been a new experience for me. This week I learned to pray through. I learned to pray through the moments I couldn't find the right words and the moments I couldn't find any words at all. I let my heart speak a language only God understands. Words were not enough for to pray with this week so I offered my mind and body up as a prayer. Breathing became my worship and laughter became thanksgiving and a heavy heart became a prayer of confession. Prayer took on a new meaning. Prayer stopped being words and became breath. 

The news of the tragedy in Boston and West, Texas opened my eyes to the state of things in Nigeria and like one who just woke up from a deep sleep, I started to really feel and my heart started to really break. And the numbers of people that are blown into pieces everyday stopped being statistics to me and became...something else. When the face of one the suspected Boston bomber appeared on the television screen in the coffee shop, I couldn't help the lump in my throat. He's about my age and his life is just starting out and at the same time coming to an end. And as I watched his father cry on television that his sons were set up, my heart broke.

My sweet friend looked me in the eye and asked for my help, for my advice. "Ibk, I don't know what to do."
And I all but said right back to him that I didn't know what to do either. That I didn't have the words and I didn't have the answer and all I really knew was how he was feeling and how much I understood because I'd been there too and I didn't know whether to keep praying that God change my step ma or He change me.

This week, life hasn't been an emergency. I've tasted every minute of this week and I've loved it. I've kept my sanity and my manifesto about me and I haven't felt overwhelmed in an entire week. I've enjoyed my own company. I've found joy in the little things.I have truly lived. And some way, somehow, I have learned my Romans 1 by heart and mumbled the verses to myself, all the while praying to not only know it but to live it as I move to another chapter on the Romans Project

Like Nehemiah, my heart is breaking for something and someone other than myself, and other than for people that will care for me right back. And I'm praying for a sense of direction, a master  God plan in rebuilding my country's Jerusalem walls again. Will you join me, maybe?

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