Wednesday, 24 July 2013

Celebrating femininity, sacred romance and a little bit of heaven: Kovie

I've been following Kovie on Twitter for sometime and I admired her from a distance for a long while. Let's face it, she's a bucket of mush like I am and that's awesome. Kovie has a generous heart that she wears on her sleeve for all to see. She's not afraid to be honest and to love God. And when I asked her if she'd write in my little space on the internet, she gladly agreed. Here, have a virtual smoothie and sit on my front porch with Kovie and me. 

God... Me... Others... In that order.
At some point in 2012, I went on a voyage of self-discovery. I'd struggled with the concept of my existence for years and I'd come to the point where I just had to know not only why I'm here on earth, but who I am in the first place. I spent a long time reading books, listening to "intelligent" conversations and "searching within", trying to understand who I really was. Somewhere in the middle of this journey, I found Someone else. Words cannot adequately express all that I felt during this period, but this was my homecoming. The peace I found was overwhelming. I'd never thought it possible that one person could love another the way I've been loved. Finding God is the most significant thing that has ever happened to me. To put it correctly, God found me.
Picture me confused and alone, sitting in a pile of dung searching desperately for something I wasn't sure even existed. Picture me out in the cold frantically calling out to someone I wasn't sure could hear me. Picture me afraid to be loved or to love someone else. Picture me frail and empty standing cowardly in a corner, given up on life and on people wondering how long it'll take to get home. Then picture My Lover all shiny and grand, and too beautiful for words, and with the most perfect smile and the softest touch, and with an amazing warmth coming out to me, taking me by the hand in my dirt and all, and leading me home. No, I'm not sure it was by the hand He took me because I must have been too tired to walk with Him... He lifted me up and carried me in His arms, in my filth! When God found me, He didn't try to clean me up first, or wash away the dirt before He loved me. He loved me right there in that state that I was. He reassured me that His love had absolutely nothing to do with the way I looked, or felt, or the things I believed or didn't believe. It had nothing to do with my being good or otherwise. It had nothing to do with my upbringing. It had nothing to do with the countless times I'd fallen, or the number of times I'd proclaimed love for a God I didn't know in an assembly of people who couldn't see through me. It had absolutely nothing to do with me. It was all about Him. You see, my lover IS LOVE. It's not what He does, it's who He is. And He has loved me regardless of me... That probably doesn't even make sense and I doubt that it ought to. 
Going through life, I'd experienced quite a number of disappointments and one can only handle so much heartbreak. It gets to a point where one either opens up the heart to whoever because you wonder, "what's the worst that can happen anyway? I've seen it all", or the heart gets locked up and the key thrown away into a very vast ocean never to be open again because well, one has about had quite enough, so no more. For me, it was the later. I'd had my fair share of opening up my heart to everyone who came along and it got to a point where I'd just had enough. Letting in this new lover was a bit of a challenge but eventually I did... Bit by bit until He consumed all of me. I handed over the key to my heart.
As I grew in my relationship with Him, I understood myself better. I began to embrace parts of me that I'd been ashamed of prior to that time. I'm human. That's not a fault, it's not an excuse for my inadequacies, it's not a plea for attention. It is what it is. I am human! It took a while for that to sink in. I have my faults and my flaws but God loves me regardless and I have to learn to love me... Only then can I begin to work on changing me. The change should come from a place of love, because I love me and I want to be better and not because I'm not good enough now and so I have to work to be lovable. I am an emotional being. It's not a flaw. There's nothing wrong with tearing up every now and then. It's not a weakness. In fact, my emotions is my greatest weapon. Little by little, He exposed me to me. One of the most important lessons I have learned though, is that I am a work in progress... He that has started this good work within me will continue His good work until it is finally finished when Jesus returns. So, I love me for who I am now. I love Kovie, every part. Whatever I seek to change, I do out of love to make me a better person. If I chose to lose weight for instance, I'm doing so because I love myself and I'm doing what it takes to make me healthier and not because I feel I am not good enough in my current state.
f you do not love yourself, why expect someone else to love you?
There's a line from the movie Madea's Family Reunion that I love so much. You know when the couple are exchanging vows at the end of the movie and the bride says, "You are a breathtaking reflection of God's heart for me... Of how He pursued me, and loved me, even when I didn't love myself..."? Yep, that for me is a perfect union. God and I have an understanding. He has the key to my heart and I've given Him the right to hand it over to the man who will love me like He does. That seems like a tall order, no? Not exactly... I may or may not have this man now, but the truth is I won't settle for less than I deserve. Even the Bible says the husband ought to love his wife even as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for it (no sermon here). My point is, whoever gets my heart, has really big shoes to fill. Only the best for Daddy's princess *wink*.
God... Me... Others.. In that order.
God loves me! I love me! And now God's love is being shared abroad through me...

I've come home. I am loved.


Kovie tweets at @Kovie_p and blogs regularly at Random Musings. Follow her and get to know her a little better, maybe?

2 comments:

  1. The awesomeness that is God's love for me, I forget so often and posts like this serve as a reminder. I am truly and deeply loved, not for what I've done or not done but simply because He is. Thanks hun

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  2. Whoooop!!!!!!! God's Love is all over in this place. LOVE it!!!!!!!!!

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