Wednesday, 7 August 2013

For the times you keep trusting God when there's no reason to

Ever heard the saying "It's darkest before morning?" Yeah, me too. It became real life for me this past week and weekend. I went from trusting God to come through speedily for me to whining to crying then finally to bitter resignation. I went from "I trust that you will sort this out, God." to "I trusted you, God and you didn't come through." It was one of the most painful things I've felt in awhile. Chirpy hope right down to the pits of despair. Although some of you already know I could be a drama queen and you probably think my nails didn't get painted the shade of red I wanted them to be. No, it's more than that. Out of respect for my privacy and love for my family, I'm not going to go into details but it was major, people. It's been going on for awhile but this past week was most difficult to cope with. I remember praying on Sunday with a heavy heart and had God lead me to this portion of Isaiah 40

27 O Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles?
    O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights?
28 Have you never heard?
    Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
    No one can measure the depths of his understanding.


 but I couldn't bring myself to believe a single word of it. It was a horrible feeling.

Little did I know that God would through for me on Monday. All my problems didn't disappear but some are gone and hope has taken despair's place in my heart. So I began to ask myself a few questions yesterday while I was trying to pray. I began to ask: "Will I trust even when there's no reason to?" "Will I choose to hang on to that single thread of hope instead of falling into the abyss?" and "When God doesn't answer when I want Him to or the way I would have Him answer, will I still keep trusting?"

It's easy to trust God in abundance but when my heart is empty will I still trust?
Will I believe His promises when everything in me is thirsty and hungry for God to answer me now- right this minute?

And even when He doesn't answer in the way I would have Him, will I still love Him? Think loving God is easy? Try singing praises and saying prayers of thanksgiving when you can't see obvious reasons to thank Him.

Friends, I've learned that it is easy to be so fixated on the one request God hasn't granted that I lose sight of all the requests that He has. Including the ones I didn't quite remember to ask for. So this week you can be sure  that I will be praying for the "And even if He doesn't..." faith that Shedrach, Meshach and Abednego had in the Book of Daniel.
And even if God doesn't do this or do that for me, I'm praying for a heart that will keep believing and keep hoping.

Ever felt depths of despair when God didn't come through? Would you mind sharing your experiences and maybe the verses of Scripture that encouraged you during that time with me?


7 comments:

  1. Lovely piece. Its adequate, highlighting our challenges as God dependent people.
    What I found out as the answer to this challenge is GRACE.
    Few foundational truth that uphold me are:
    -Everything works together for good for those who love God. Therefore, I can never be disadvantaged irrespective of the circumstances and how it turns out.
    -Nothing that has the nature of God ever fails
    -we are indestructible by sickness, diseases or any other problems that suppresses the world.

    When we accept the finished work of Christ, it is the basis why we ll be excused from the consequence of our shortcoming, and, also be Blessed for the obedience of christ. This is Grace. It is why we are the righteousness of God.
    @onedemola

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  2. my first comment was longer than this but... .
    i am falling daily .. tears... sweat...blood... i dont even knw how to comment because every word in ur piece strikes me as a reflection of me? hmmm...
    on monday i experienced God in a simple but almost neglected/ignored way. there had bn no light for 2 days and my phones were dead, even my laptop which contained the phone number of a man i was meant to call.
    why did i have to call the man?
    i was going to a company in apapa for a job and i was given the man's contacts cos he was going to arrange for me to join the staff bus.
    why the staff bus?
    no one, no matter who you are is allowed to enter the premises without a tag. i had no tag.
    also the office complex is miles away from the bus stop where commercial buses would drop u.
    so there i was as early as 5 wondering what to do. i Sat up in bed and started speakin in tongues (mysterion) hopin while staring at the lght bulb that somehow nepa would bring light. i grabbed my phone and truly anticipated that the anointing in my spirit would charge the phone
    -__- so i could at least explain to my manager that i had 'stupidly' not saved the number she sent to my mail. and that i would be late.
    after a few minutes praying and without result i stood and went to have my bath. I left the house around 5:50... and headed to apapa without an idea of where the company was or how i would gain access to the building.
    all the while i was wondering why God didnt just send a bolt of electricity to my room and allow me charge my phone and laptop.
    i arrived at apapa arnd 6:34 and dropped at the last bus stop. read Romans 8:28 (though it has become a cliche, it became real in that moment)...
    within minutes of dropping from the commercial bus, i saw a white bus with the company's logo etched on the side. the bus parked a few meters from me and quietly i entered.
    somehow probably cos i was suited up, no one asked for my id card and i sat comfortably and was driven into the company premises. long story short --- God answers prayers according to His will.

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  3. Ibukun, I just went through this with a friend here at home. She is at the bottom of the VERY BOTTOM. Tied a knot in the end of the rope and hanging on for dear life. Everything that can go wrong is going wrong. She keeps asking me why God is not answering her prayers. He doesn't hear her, she says, Her life is horrible, no job, no money, no hope. I kept telling her that sometimes things are just "life", we live in a wicked world and just because we live for God does't mean we are immune to bad things affecting us. Today her prayer was answered. She got her old job back. She was desperate for this job, she has a little girl to feed. She was beside herself today. I had told her to be patient and trust God, that His timing wasn't our timing but He wouldn't forsake her, He wouldn't let them go hungry. He is faithful. ♥

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  4. IbukunAkinnawo15 May 2014 at 12:44

    Wow! That's HUGE! So thankful for His faithfulness. Now I find it amusing that I even worried, kicked, cried, whined so much! Humbling lesson. Thank you for sharing, Candace!

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  5. IbukunAkinnawo15 May 2014 at 12:44

    Hey Dami! Although I have already responded to you on Twitter, I'm still going to thank you for sharing your experience with me because Ashlee's teaching me blogger etiquette. Thank you! :-)

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  6. Carolyn Kisler15 May 2014 at 12:44

    Praying for you, Ibukun.

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  7. IbukunAkinnawo15 May 2014 at 12:44

    That means the world to me, Carolyn. Thank you so much, friend

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