Friday, 2 August 2013

On feeling like I'm not enough

So this faith thing has me wide-eyed and knock-kneed a lot of times. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm doing it right. Other times I wonder if I'm doing it at all. I smile weakly when people say stuff to me like “Oh Ibukun, you’re so on fire for God.” Or “I wish I had your faith and zeal for the gospel” because I know that the faith I have is not some chakra I generated on my own. On my own, I'm on my way to hell with a full tank. Thinking back on how I was before I met God, if I had continued down that road, I’d be a wreck. This is not to say that the gospel hasn't wrecked me because it has…in a good way. All that is good in me is God and I'm thankful for Him every day of my life. Still, I don’t have this all together. I don’t have this under control.
I'm the kind of girl to not pray on some mornings because she just doesn't feel like it.
I'm the kind of girl to skip my prayers with the seemingly solid excuse that I don’t have the time
I'm the kind of girl to pray about something and claim to leave it in His hands when in reality I'm carrying my baggage of worry everywhere I go
I'm the kind of girl to pick up her Bible sometimes and think there’s nothing new for her to discover in it
I'm the kind of girl to be more concerned if I'm singing the songs I rehearsed right than if the Holy Spirit is wrecking people’s hearts through the music
I'm the type to give her opinion when it is best left kept
I'm one to portray myself as what I want to be spiritually more than I really am right now
I'm quick to judge when I am doing the exact same thing
The list really is endless. I don’t have it all figured out. I don’t have it all together but if I have nothing, I have God. Right now, I laugh too loud, I talk too much and I worry that I am not enough.
So when you come on here to read a bit of my heart, please don’t expect perfection, expect words from a heart that is stayed on God, the only perfect One. This particular verse speaks to me during this time


Do you feel like you’re not enough sometimes? Want to share what keeps you going in the difficult moments with me?


3 comments:

  1. Hi ibuken! Yes I feel that a lot of the time. I'm learning that only with Christ I am made perfect in him. There is nothing good in this flesh and most things on your list I myself battle with. Through christ Jesus though I'm a overcomer and so are you! God bless you sis:-)

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  2. I think this feeling of not being enough is the ideal feeling, imagine how "self-righteous" you will feel if you do feel enough.


    This right here is the gospel of GRACE. Unmerited favour, Its not by works but by the faith in the works of Jesus.


    In him we feel enough, in ourselves we are NOT enough. Whenever you feel like you are not enough, Thank God for Jesus and his blood, for Loving you enough to make you enough.


    This makes me just love Jesus so much more.

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  3. IbukunAkinnawo15 May 2014 at 12:44

    You're right, Tomi. I'll admit if I ever felt enough then I wouldn't need Jesus enough. Thank you for sharing!

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