Friday, 10 October 2014

How to move on with your life

The end of a friendship/relationship is always the worst especially when you didn't want for it to end. But the world keeps spinning and life has to continue-- even for you.

I'm just going to say it here and now that I have an amazing record with falling head first for the wrong kind of guys (tragic story). This past week I had to confront the 'latest' about some truths and doubts I had about where we were going. And it was plain as day we were not on the same airplane how much more going in the same direction (you know that Bible verse that says: can two walk together except they agree? Yep. That one). It was a make or break situation and I wanted all or nothing so even though it hurt like crazy, I decided to leave.

I wasn't going to blog about this but it's weird how the things I'm most insecure about and wish people don't know is almost always what my readers are dealing with also. So today, I'll be sharing some ways to deal with pain and move on from unhealthy relationships or friendships.

1. Take some time out

Something clearly went wrong for you to be at this point right now. Take time out to understand it Resist every urge to grovel right back to your ex (or friend, depending on context). Delete phone numbers, email addresses if you have to (please do not stalk them on social media to see if they've moved on from you or not because it ALWAYS looks like they have). I had a good friend take my phone away so I wouldn't be tempted to do something I would later regret.  Really think things through, go over past events with brand new eyes and allow your friends be there for you at this time. Cry if you have to.

2.  Get closure 

Have you ever been in a situation where there was still so much you needed to understand/clarify but couldn't because you already shut the other party out? It's the worst. Closure is seriously underrated. Feedback and effective communication is important in every other aspect of life but shunned when it comes to relationships. I honestly don't think it's proper. I understand that in some cases, it is impossible to sit and have a conversation about where things went bad but in cases where it can be done, don't be afraid to ask questions, seek clarity, express opinions in a non-violent, non-confrontational manner.

3. Do the things you love

Assuming here that you have a life independent of the friendship or relationship that just ended, immerse yourself fully in it: school, work, church, family, friends, hobbies, the whole shebang.

4. Understand that it will get better

I was watching 17 Again last night and there was this one thing Matthew Perry said and it was something like this: when you're young and things like this happen, it seems like it's the end of the world but it's only the beginning. The thing with pain is it demands to be felt. So when the pain comes, take a deep breath and just know that with time, it gets better.

5. Learn from it

There's always something to take away from pain. I say it a lot that grief has a refining effect of us humans. Find out where you (can't absolve yourself of all responsibilities now, can you?) made mistakes and how to prevent them from happening again. People do what you allow. Set boundaries early to command respect.

I strongly believe that God is sovereign and nothing happens that He's not aware of. Everything (the good and the bad, the bad choices, the steps in the right direction) works together for the good of those that love God. It's a promise and I believe it.

How did you learn to move on with your life after letting go of unhealthy relationships?


  1. How did I learn to Move on After letting go of an unhealthy relationship? It wasn't easy. Falling deeply in love for the very first time and giving it your all hoping it goes beyond how it started...Then watching break away slowly, you watch the pieces fall, you pick them up but don't know where each one goes anymore. At this point you realise what was breaking was your entire being, your sanity,happiness and So on.

    The level of depression felt...I was So lucky I didn't end up in a hospital, there wasn't anyone to take my phone or devices away from me So I did the stupid thing you mentioned above, and I don't regret doing them. Most people would say for a guy, I shouldn't have done that, but Then I ask them if they've ever been in Love. These stupid things I did the stalking and all, helped me realise it was really over and the only thing left for me to do was confront my fears, get some closure and heal myself...Which I actually did. Because of love, you tend to block out most people who just want your company, I had to go back to these people. So talking to other people helped a lot.

    Got my closure, deleted all traces of contact, photos, etc...It's not childish, forget what people say, You'll come to find out that by doing this it gives you breathing me.

    Talked to God to be a comforter, begged for forgiveness for both parties and most importantly, prayed for happiness for the ex, I know seeking revenge is what comes to mind, Then raining curses, once you finally accept what isn't yours can't be yours, that sends away all forms of negative thoughts about the ex.

    Do something you love doing... when relationships end depending on How it ended, you begin to look down on yourself, start magnifying your flaws in your head, for example If You're skinny or fat etc, It's up to you to fix your mind. I started working out. Call it a cliche but That's what I did, it helped a lot. Did art, music too helped.

    Most importantly, keep your heart open. You might not know if the next might be the right one, but let God be It's protector. Just like Iron man, there might still be shrapnel hiding deep in your heart, with time they'll be taken out slowly with the light of God.

  2. I see your reference to "The Fault In Our Stars"
    Anyways, getting closure is really important. In some cases.
    Loosing friends, ending relationships can be pretty difficult and painful, but we learn to live

  3. Thank you for this! I'm definitely going to be reading and re-reading your words over and over. Thank YOU

  4. haha! I made reference to TFIOS and I had NO idea! I'm not smart on purpose B-) It just happens

  5. Yes, yes and yes. Hurt happens. We need to learn from it and move on in a healthy manner. I've been learning to permit myself feel the occasional hurt instead of blocking it all out (which could really be unhealthy), learning from it, looking on the bright side and moving on. Becoming the woman God has called me to be

  6. Oh this is so true. Thank you for sharing!